Even just subconsciously, we often have some sense that the things we tell ourselves to survive are true or false, stars that will lead us out of the night’s deserts or illusions, ignes fatui, of the heart, that we desperately wish were real to survive with dignity, she suggests, we must face those midnight deserts earnestly, honestly. Respecting oneself, for her, required that we learn that we do not deserve any and everything-and that what we think about ourselves is more important than what others think of us. It is difficult to truly lie to ourselves, Didion reflected, because what helps in our lies to others will fail with ourselves if it may seem easy to imagine the magic that might trick someone around us, there are far fewer spells in our grimoires that can truly deceive ourselves.ĭidion knew this well, and coming to understand that we are flawed, she suggested, was like becoming an adult, like shedding the “innocence” of her childhood naivete. “Most of our platitudes notwithstanding, self-deception remains the most difficult deception,” she mused in the piece, which was simply titled “On Self-Respect,” and would later appear in Slouching Towards Bethlehem, her seminal collection of essays from her Vogue years. In 1961, shortly after having been hired by Vogue, Joan Didion-then in her late twenties-composed one of the essays she would become best-known for, a short, yet surprisingly capacious meditation on self-respect.
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